| (no subject) |
[Oct. 31st, 2005|02:06 am] |
What a week.
I've gotten to the point now where I know enough people in town to be invited to after-bar parties... and it's getting sort of rough. Once you get there, everyone else is trashed and it's almost like some sort of fucked up useless game of catch-up... Although it kind of works out because I end up getting just the right level of drunk, not ever too stupid... *shrug* Either way, I went through a liter of jack and a case of amber bock in 3 days. So I'll probably be stopping that soon.
I hung out with a guy from the bar who I thought was one of the biggest assholes ever... Even though I don't really want anything to do with guys right now... actually, those two combined is kinda the reason I finally said yes when he asked, because I thought... He's a total prick, it might be fun playing with his mind. I'm an evil bitch, this I know... Kinda like Boondock saints, yes? No.
Anyway... he's a really nice guy. I don't know how he hides it so well at the bar, but he's completely considerate and now I feel like I maybe led him on and I just feel TERRIBLE... His friend was telling me how much he talks about me and how he wishes I would be his girlfriend and all this shit... AHHH@#Y^#%@#& damnit. I want to be ALOOONE alone alone. With my dog. Si.
Saturday night was the halloween party at the bar. So we got to wear costumes... I may have pictures soon, not sure. It was pretty good, though. Anyway, at 9:30 the place was really dead and I was starting to think that we wouldn't have a very good night, and then people just started pouring in the door... we ended up about 80 people over capacity, everyone drinking jag bombs and redheaded sluts and scooby snacks and YOU NAME IT. Fuck. Worst night ever. I actually started crying just before close, but it wasn't bad enough for people to notice so I kept working. Blah... And the best thing is, I only made $80... @#%)@#&(% |
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| cross-posted BECAUSE I'M LAZY |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|04:52 am] |
I guess that's what you could call it.
I haven't had a whole lot of time for anything, but I'm trying to fix that.
Friday night we had a guy shoot off an entire clip at the bar I work at. Which is funny, because part of the reason I moved back to a small town like this was to get away from people trying to kill people. I'm just trying to get people drunk and make a living. I don't want to nurse gunshot wounds because of it.
The current trend in my life is meeting cool people who are leaving too soon. Which I guess makes perfect sense, since I have no clue where I'm going to end up next, or when I'll get there. Tolkien said it best, not all who wander are lost... it's just sometimes I feel like I'm more lost when I'm standing still. *shrug*
I've been staying with my parents for far too long, this was just supposed to be a temporary thing... it's going on 4 months now, and I should really get a place of my own... but a year seems like such a long time to commit to one place, and last time I signed a lease I ended up paying for 2 months that I didn't stay there, because I couldn't take it anymore. In true Gypsy fashion, I seem to catch the whimsy quite often... (thanks Nick). It seems like people are the only thing I can commit to these days.
I guess I'll see where tomorrow takes me, and the day after that, and the day after that... and when that's over, I'll see where I'm at. I guess that's all I could ever ask of life, anyway. |
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| It's been a while. |
[Sep. 4th, 2005|04:58 pm] |
So what's new...
Well, between my two jobs I am now working 10 shifts per week. Monday day, Tuesday day and night, Wednesday day and night, Thursday day, Friday day and night, Saturday night, and Sunday day.
I have no time to spend all the money I'm earning, and I love it.
I'm starting to meet some people in town here, not that it matters since I can't really hang out with them. lol. It's still cool to know people though.
I need to plan a vacation here sometime soon... I should try going East this time. |
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| My weekend. |
[Aug. 14th, 2005|02:54 am] |
Well, this weekend wasn't very productive tips-wise.
There were so many events going on in nearby towns that the bar was dead Thursday-Saturday. I made $40-50-30. *shrug*
But... the hotel we work at is hosting the Ducks Unlimited Banquet in 2 weeks... the planners (so the head honchos) were staying those three days in the hotel, and they LOVED the bar. Haha. I think I need to join Ducks Unlimited just as payback. They were so nice. I was almost sad to see them go. http://users.skynet.be/sky67891/bio-stevefarris.htm <- this guy drinks Johnny Walker ;)
I've been so busy I haven't had time to feel anything, and that's kind of what I was trying to accomplish. I know that's a terrible way to deal with emotions, but it's really the only way I've found that works. I worked 13 hours today, on 3 hours of sleep. And I start my second job on Monday. Oy.
And yeah. That's my story. |
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| On second thought... |
[Aug. 8th, 2005|01:16 pm] |
Since I moved up here, every night I haven't come online, I've felt better.
Because any time I come online, there's always SOMETHING to piss me off. So maybe I should just stop altogether for a while. I'm going to be really busy anyway. Maybe I'll just check my mail... I don't fucking know, I'm just SO SICK OF ALL OF THIS. I don't know why it's so hard for people to just leave me alone.
*sigh* |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2005|10:49 pm] |
Well, it was a pretty crazy weekend. Wednesday was my first night at Z103, it was pretty boring because I was just following Ashley around and felt like a moron. Friday night all hell broke loose and we did $4000 of liquor sales. With 3 (well, more like 2 1/2) bartenders and 2 cocktails. I walked out with $160, and I technically wasn't supposed to make any tips. Saturday night, I worked 8-close and made $180. My orientation for the hotel the bar is located in is tomorrow at 3. Wednesday at 3 I have my Applebee's orientation. And from then on, I plan on being tired, occupied, and totally loaded.
Ashley and I hung out with some guys we met at the bar, sat in the hot tub and drank a couple beers. I spent the whole night saying, "No, I won't make out with you." "No, I won't show you my boobs." Or then there was, "No, I don't have a boyfriend, I just don't want to make out with you."
God.
Drunk guys are only cool when they have girlfriends, because then they don't try to "tell me a secret" all the time. Ugh.
I could tell that all of the guys would be pretty cool when they're not drunk, though... so whatever... I wasn't planning on meeting anyone up here and I actually am... so that's cool.
But yesterday was pretty scary... my dad came into my job with a bloodsugar of 32, so I had to keep rushing to get him orange juice and pop... it took two full glasses of orange juice and some mello yello to get him back to normal :/ Really scary... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 4th, 2005|03:21 pm] |
So yesterday, as I got ready for my first day at work, I got a phone call from Mike at Applebee's. He said I should come in for an interview.
Ugh.
I applied there like fuckin 2 months ago, never heard anything back until I found something else... But, it works out because the bar is only open on nights and not on Sundays. So I went into Applebee's today.
They make you take a damned PERSONALITY test. Seriously.
So I took it... in like 1/3 of the time they said it would take me. (And yes, I always filled in "Yes" on the "I work very fast" questions. lol)
The guy came back with my results and said, "Well, you're either one of the best employees we'll ever have or you're very good at bullshit."
I looked at him and said, "It's both." :D |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 2nd, 2005|02:04 pm] |
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I GOT THE JOB, FUCKERS!!
ahahahahaha, YES. |
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| Update. |
[Aug. 1st, 2005|11:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ra | ] |
Well, I'm all moved into my parents' place in Fergus. It's sort of depressing in a sense, but then it's better in others. For one, my dog is here, and he makes me happier than I could ever express. I don't know how I lived without animals for a year.
I'm not sure on jobs yet, I should know about a job at this bar and grill in town shortly... they were supposed to be calling my references today, but we'll see what comes of that. I really hope I get it... if not, I guess I could always do oil changes for my uncle ;).
I'm just attempting to coast through life right now, I'm not really up to any challenges... I've kinda shut down on that front. Just trying to make it.
My grandma went into the hospital last night because she was violently throwing up blood... they're still not quite sure what went wrong with her, but she's stabilized and should be okay... I really hope so. She may be a senile old woman, but she's my grandma and I love her.
I guess that's about it for now... I really would love to hear from you guys... it's kinda tough to stay connected with this computer, it freezes up about once every 20 minutes, and then it takes forever to get back online... give me a call if you're bored, I'd love it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|03:34 pm] |
Livejournal makes breakups even more complicated.
Because now if I try to leave a comment on someone's journal, I have to witness stupid flirting when I still haven't completely gotten rid of the "mine" thing.
Damnit. |
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| To those who it matters to |
[Jul. 22nd, 2005|08:40 pm] |
I am in Seattle until Tuesday.
This may be the last time for a while, so if you wanna hang out, call me.
206-351-0125 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2005|06:02 pm] |
I enjoy the following.
Hearing that I was "The first love of his life" not a week after I left. Freudian slip, anyone?
Knowing that someone who he "doesn't care about" got brought to one of his favorite places when I was never allowed to go during the two years we were together. And then hearing about how he fucked her there. Fantastic. But of course, it meant nothing. Guys always think that will make things better. Well, guess what. It doesn't. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|10:40 pm] |
Well, where to begin.
I really need to stop drinking. It's too fucking risky. But some days I just can't do it. I know I'm probably an alcoholic... *sigh* How the hell do you become an alcoholic before you can legally drink alcohol?! How does this happen?
Whenever I talk to people, I try to look through their eyes to see if I can see what they're feeling. Most times I'm pretty good at it... and when I meet someone that has no feeling in their eyes, it makes me sick to my stomach, and I don't want to talk to that person anymore. Well, I was really fucked up the other night at the club, I went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face, looked up and tried to look into my own eyes... and I saw nothing. I got that same sick feeling I do when it's other people. It just made me feel so empty. Maybe that's why I have no real friends... maybe people look into my eyes and get that sick feeling. That makes me really sad.
Things have been really hard since I've gotten home. I've been trying to just focus on work and sleep, but I just get so down and don't realize it until I'm curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor crying. I've made it through one day without at least tearing up since I've been home... ONE day. Those aren't very good odds.
My parents are making me stay with them for a while so they can keep an eye on me... had a bad night the other night, and the cops ended up getting sent out to my house at 4 AM, along with about 6 first responders and an ambulance... Ugh... It's one thing for that to happen, but the person I knew the least was the officer, and he graduated with my brother. 1 guy was in my grade, the rest were all friends with my parents. Just makes shit so embarassing, you know... *sigh* I want anonymity again. Except I want even more than last time. Witness protection program?
I feel like such a fucking baby right now. I can't even describe how hopeless I feel. And the worse I feel the more I see people who love seeing me suffer, because it's gossip and I apparently did something that directly offended them by MISSING TOO MUCH FUCKING SCHOOL and fucking up MY OWN LIFE, NOT THEIRS... and every time I just get deeper and deeper into this shithole I dwell in at the moment. Fuck.
Within a week of each other, two different guys told me that they hoped to marry someone exactly like me. Which would be ironic even IF I didn't want to be with either of them. But I do. So yeah... that's where life stands. I wish I couldn't love just for a little while... it hurts too badly. Way too badly. So in the same day I told both of them I never wanted to talk to them again. We'll see if I stay true to that... chances are no, because I'm a weakling that way.
On one good note, I did get a new car... I'll be paying for it for the next 3 years of my life in $250 installments, but it's beautiful and it makes me happy. Maybe that's shallow, but I'll take what I can get right now. It's a 2001 Grand Am GT, black, 4door, sunroof, absolutely beautiful. It is my baby, and as soon as I figure out its personality it will be named. I'm thinking it's a girl though. And when Bobby gets out, if it's still in good shape we're putting in a supercharger. Why? I don't know... because it's what people do in Alexandria. *shrug* |
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| Fucking..... shit.... |
[Jun. 19th, 2005|10:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nope. | ] |
First of all, life sucks right now.
I have no car, I'm borrowing my dad's broken-ass celebrity that... let's see... what was it, exactly.... oh, yes, "Leaks oil out the valves." Motherfuck.
I've gotten two minors since I got home, and have consumed alcohol exactly 3 times. Two out of three ain't bad, right?
And go ahead and tell me that I should be more careful and that I knew I was breaking the law so it's my own damned fault. In the end, if you've ever gotten away with a law that you've broken, you're probably doing better than me... very rarely do I get away with it. I can't even fuckin SPEED anymore.
I'm working at Wendy's again for the summer, because I'm a big loser and I suck at life... *thumbs up* I love seeing people I've known my whole life come through the drive through... because they look at me like, "Wow, it just keeps getting worse... you used to be so promising." Well fuck off... it's my life, not yours. And if I could cash in on that promise somehow, believe me I would. If you'd like to plan out my life for me since you know so well, I'd gladly follow it...
I guess I shouldn't be writing this in my livejournal, since I hate reading shit from people when they've never said anything similar to me in real life, but this is really the only time some of you ever hear me...
So many people were so "upset" that I was leaving... and yet, I have not gotten one call from any of them without me having to first call them... even getting a call back from people is tough. Thanks... good to know you care, assholes. That goes for everyone who's ever said that they'd call me and didn't just because they didn't -feel- like it. My life is shit, I just want somefuckingone to cheer me up, and no one can take two seconds out of their fantastic lives to call and see what's up. Well fuck it. Don't ever make me feel bad for "leaving you" when you won't even see how I'm doing. Yeah... you care so much. Right. I mean, if you never pretend to care, then it won't bother me! Seriously!
If you can't tell, I'm a little aggravated right now. I'm surrounded by so many fake-ass people, and I can't get rid of them no matter where I go... Washington, Minnesota, doesn't fucking matter... they're everywhere. And they follow me. So I'm thinking that I should just have everyone leave me alone. Hermit time, this time for real.
I love how not one person is there for me and yet the thing that keeps my head above the water is not wanting to hurt the people who hurt me... unbelievable.
Karna was right.
Disclaimer: If this pissed you off, I guess that's good. At least I got my point across for once. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2005|12:07 am] |
So I'm not sure if I'll have a computer when I get home or not.
I guess I'll just post what I know right now... actually, it's more of what I don't know... but I know I don't know what I'm doing... or something.
I don't know if I'm going to go to school when I get home... to be honest, I'm perfectly happy right now waitressing and getting my life in order. It's too hard to make myself go to school when I don't care... ESPECIALLY when I'm paying for it out of pocket.
I'm not really sure if I'm going to live with my parents, with my sister, or on my own... I guess it all depends on how people act the first couple weeks. *shrug*
And yeah... I basically am just playing everything by ear for the moment.
If I don't talk to you guys, I guess gimme a call... 206-351-0125 or 320-283-5148 LOVE YA!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2005|06:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Allman Brothers Band- Jessica | ] |
I just played a typing game online.
For the fun of it.
For about an hour.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 29th, 2005|04:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | geeky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Clutch- Subtle Hustle | ] |
Wow...
So Friday.
:/ |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2005|09:40 am] |
Is it fucked up that I almost wish I could trade places with the woman that was killed?
She had 4 little girls, and was pregnant with a fifth child. And she was a single mother. God or fate is cruel sometimes... these girls are now going to have to deal with foster care, and losing a mother. And what am I doing with my life?? Absolutely nothing. And yet I get passed over and she is taken. I don't understand. I feel like a fucking tool, after some of the suicidal thoughts that I'm still here and this wonderful woman is not.
*sigh* |
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| Stolen from Ashwey Wumbwad Warson |
[May. 26th, 2005|12:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
01. Amy
02. Amiya
03. TINA
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
01. HeavnWithPomPoms
02. theREALamiya
03. amiya24
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. My stomach.
02. My BUM.
03. My eyes.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. My feet... *shudder*
02. My thunderthighs
03. My ears
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
01. Bohemian/Gypsy
02. English/Scottish
03. assorted Scandinavian
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
01. Failure.
02. Drowning.
03. Losing people.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
01. Portable CD player (a must on the bus..)
02. Soda
03. Sleep
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
01. Work uniform
02. Ponytail
03. Picgrave sweatshirt
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
01. "The Silent Acquiescence of Millions" by Sinch
02. "Yesterday" by the Beatles
03. "Hollow" by Pantera
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
01. Commitment.
02. Respect.
03. Laughs.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
01. I drink too much.
02. I eat too much.
03. I smoke too much.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX (guys) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
01. Smart.
02. Quiet.
03. Unconventional
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
01. sitting on the computer.
02. Listening to music.
03. Birthday Book.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
01. To make it through school without being miserable all the time.
02. To make a little bit of money.
03. To be tan.
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
01. Vet (but that's pretty much hopeless now)
02. History professor
03. waitress-4-lyfe!
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
01. Germany
02. somewhere in Africa.
03. Galapagos Islands.
THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE:
01. Amber
02. Owen
03. Aspen
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
01. See one place on each continent (except maybe Antarctica)
02. Finish my birthday book.
03. Have kids.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE A STEREOTYPICAL GIRL:
01. I've planned out my wedding probably 6 times in my life.
02. If I think you don't like me, I will REFUSE to like you... until I think otherwise.
03. I cry a lot.
THREE CELEBRITY CRUSHES:
01. Shane West
02. The guy from Breaking Benjamin... I don't even care what he looks like, his lyrics make me want to LOOOOOOOOOVE him.
03. Mark McGrath. It seems I have a thing for rockstars... |
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